A Female Joker

In the vast wasteland of my inner being

I, a compulsive joker, am coming to terms with the biggest

joke ever

That is me ... myself

I crack up at the thought of becoming a saint

Clad in white

Able to differentiate between

The wrong and the right

I laugh at the prospect

Of becoming a business tycoon

Flying in a rocket

To make a dreamhouse on the moon

Driving a sports or a vintage car

Making a wish upon a shooting star

I get cramps laughing

When people call me 'great'

Maybe because my own weaknesses,

I truly hate ...

I know my friends are not lying

I am all of these

In parts a saint, a poet, an entrepreneur

And hold a promise

Of becoming great ...

But above all

I am a joker

That laughs at her own pain ...

While reacting to situations

With apt perfection

Time and again ...

I amuse myself

By looking in the mirror

A red nose, a funny cap,

Loose pyjamas, crazy boots

Camouflaging my real 'self'

In the hideous mismatch

Of yellows, blacks, reds and blues

Mostly savoured by a hungry moth

I cover my wounds

With leftovers of tattered cloth

Hide under a wig

My impoverished mind

That seeks ever so often

Richness of thought ...

I want to bury all my sorrow

My heart aches

For a bright tomorrow

And chases delicate feelings

Comprising dreams

While my anguished being

Goes off to sleep ...

Tired of hope, pretence and falsehood

My lonesome soul survives

By pulling a thick blanket

Over its eyes

It wants to see nothing, hear nothing

Feel nothing, want nothing

Just withdraw ... be quiet, silent and aloof ...

The soul leaves me alone to seek my own truth!